You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
