Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
