she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
