see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
