It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
