I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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