Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
