I feel like abortions should bother me more
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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