it's not cheating when I paid for it
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
