did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
