I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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