i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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