...so i touched it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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