he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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