Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I came so hard my ears popped.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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