I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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