I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
