I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
