You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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