would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
