Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
