My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
