I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
