The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
