i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
whose parrot is this?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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