Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
