so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
