i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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