P.S. I can't hear my feet
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
