guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize