I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
