you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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