My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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