The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
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