What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
