They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
