i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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