He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
