You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
