I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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