theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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