i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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