Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He better not be in your backpack
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
