you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
