Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
