So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
