I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
