I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
