i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Do vagina's smell?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
