Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
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