You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
