Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
bring money and cleavage
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
