so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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