I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
