Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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