I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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