is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
