Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
