I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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