i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
