i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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