We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
