Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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