$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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