i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
