So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
