So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
