Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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