Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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