I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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