I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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