I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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