is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
